The hardest lesson for all new authors is believing in themselves. I listened to all the literary snobs and you know what? Fuck them. There are no rules to writing, just write. I’ve read a total of 21 books from both self-published and traditionally published authors. And you know what? Not one of them were error-free. Why? Because those books are magical and don’t exist. I have raked authors over the coals. A ton of them don’t realize they’ve dropped into second point of view by accident. I’ve caught it with both traditionally published authors and with self-published authors. Hell, I did it myself. I know I’m far from perfect.
Considering all the shit that’s already on the bookshelves, mine won’t do any worse or better. Yeah, I’ve changed the story a few dozen times to find that right flow. That’s what writers do. We try to find that right niche to please everyone. But you can’t please everyone. There will always be that one person who hates your books with a passion. But ask yourselves this… why aren’t they writers? I’ve heard a ton of editors brag about how easy it is for them to write a book. Well, I hate to pop their collective bubbles, but those books are usually the worst ones. They’re so worried about being technically right that they lack in the number one thing that you need to write a book… imagination. You can have all those fancy literary degrees but if you don’t have an imagination, you’re fucked. The books come out like a distorted piece of literary garbage. Written well, yes. Character development and flowing like water usually ends at their last sentence.
Don’t say this… “Oh, you’re just pro-self-published authors!” Um… they’ve written some incredibly shitty books too. I want emotion and action. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies with action. Blame Sly Stallone, or numerous other actors. “Yo, Adrian!” Look, Sly is a great writer but nobody remembers how great of a story Rocky is. It’s lasted for so many years. I used to shone and flipped my nose up at Rocky until my husband made me watch the story unfold. Why didn’t I watch this series sooner? I cried during Balboa. Yes, I for real cried like a baby. All the hard work he put in it, blew my fucking mind. We can bitch about steroid use but I don’t lecture what other people do with their bodies. It isn’t my job to stand over people, dictating what their lives should be. “Don’t eat this. Don’t smoke this. Don’t drink that.” I’m the last person who would ever lecture another human being. I still smoke menthol. Yeah, I know it’s a nasty habit but it’s better than all the mind-altering medications I used to take. I love my smokes and my coffee.
Anyway, what’s the point of this fucking post? Don’t be scared to write a book and publish it. It takes big gold balls to publish anything. Even though I’ve said a book has issues, it doesn’t mean I don’t still buy their books. Even the one-star books, I’ve rated. I always support an author. Maybe their next book will be better. The same applies to new writers. Do what’s best for you. If you want to go the traditional route, do it. If you want to self-publish your book, do it. Do what makes you happy. Write what makes you happy. There are over millions and millions of books out on the market. Maybe you’ll get lucky and strike it big. You never know unless you try. I would say not to read your reviews, but even traditionally published authors read their reviews. I know that one for a fact. It’s hard not to read your reviews. It’s always there. Just when you do, be prepared for a jar of anal cream nearby. You’re going to get rammed. It doesn’t matter who the fuck you are. If they hate your book, they’ll let you know it. But I applaud anyone who is willing to stand up there with their asses hanging out. Even the greatest writers of all time, have shit thrown at them.
I remember this one author telling me not to read my reviews. She didn’t read her reviews. She had better things to do. Well, I happened to see her books and became curious. So, I checked out her reviews. I’m evil like that. And guess what? She responded to her negative reviews like the twat she was. Do as I say and not as I do. Fuck that hypocrite! I laughed my ass off for a few good hours. Here she was, stating that her books were doing so good. And she writes best-selling books! HA! She only had ten reviews. Her stars were much lower than mine. I giggled like a mad woman. If she was such a great writer, where were her one thousand book reviews? I didn’t know her name until I joined their shitfest of a group! Hey, don’t feel sorry for her. She came at new writers. She made sure to nail all the new writers and give them confidence issues. Why are you writing like that? How dare you have adverbs! Well, when I peeked into her book, the first few pages were littered with adverbs. If you’re in one of those groups, get out. They claim they are best sellers but they are indeed frauds and liars. Unless it’s Anne Rice, Stephen King, or Martin themselves, don’t take advice from authors you’ve never heard of. Not even me. Do you and don’t worry about being perfect. Books were made to have errors. As long as we can read it, don’t worry about your commas. Try to limit your run-on sentences. Those do become a pain to read. And make sure you have the right words put in. Like today, I have to change MC to emcee. Whoops! I fucked that one up! But laugh when you make a mistake. I’ve made plenty of them and all I can do is improve. I’m not the best writer but I’m not the worst either. I can live with that. I can sleep at night, knowing that I tried my best.
As for my current readers, they want to see my books back on the shelf. I honor them and will do as they request. I’m sure as fuck, not giving up. If nobody else reads it, I’m happy as well. As long as they are happy, I’m happy. Go into this fearless. And if you do receive a negative review, go check out mine or anyone else’s books. Those will make you laugh and cheer you up. If E.L. James can dust it off, you can too. That woman has gold balls and I love her dearly. Her book wasn’t that great but you can’t argue with a marketing genius. Even after she’s issued negative reviews, she’s still basking in the money, people spent on her books. With every negative review, there are normally five positive reviews. Honor those readers. Come up with witty things to say in retaliation, when they come for you. Be like Rowling. That woman has made me laugh when she comes up with something witty to say to her negative reviewers or tweeters. “You still bought my books.” I agree with her. Take it in stride and make sure you have a bottle of alcohol nearby, if you decide to read those reviews.