Why Didn’t I March?

This will go around and I need to clear my head on why, I refused to join in the march for women…

  1. Until we can accept ALL women’s opinions and beliefs. Whether they are a conservative, moderate, or liberal.
  2. Until we can stop slut-shaming each other in the comments.
  3. Until we can stop criticizing other women for their weight or height on both sides.
  4. Until we can stop our jealousy towards other women.
  5. Until we can stop having these “mommy” wars. The whole stay-at-home vs work-outside-the-home thing.
  6. Until we can stop condemning each other for things we’ve done to ourselves.
  7. Until we can stop berating each other for our choices in jobs… For example: Stripping and other things of an adult nature.
  8. Until we can stop the hypocrisy.
  9. Until we can respect each other for the way we voted.
  10. Until we can stop falsely accusing men of rape.
  11. Until we recognize that men will lose in a custody battles over women.
  12. Until we can stop using our children as pawns or weapons in warfare.
  13. Until we recognize that minorities of the same gender are actually paid less than the ones who are white.

Until you can end the hypocrisy, I won’t join in on your little marches. Do I believe the government should have control over my body? Nope. But at the same time, who has the voice for the unborn? What if the unborn would have been a woman? When you become a moderate, you see the real issues from both sides.

We’re all for women’s rights… except for THOSE women. “Those women are not us!” I’m sorry, but that’s hypocrisy at its finest. You for ALL women, but not THOSE women. THOSE women who voted for Trump. THOSE women who have a different set of values. THOSE women who love and support their husbands. THOSE women who have children. THOSE women who don’t look like or act like you. THOSE women who chose a certain religion over others. You dismiss them and make their opinions are invalid. All for the sake of feminism. Feminism was created for ALL women. The new wave of feminism isn’t something special.

And furthermore, I won’t degrade a man to better myself. I won’t use my assets against a man to improve my quality of life. I vote to lift each other up, regardless of sex or race. And yes, women are guilty of sexism too. Just post an alluring picture of a famous male actor and watch the women flock to it; saying degrading things. You don’t want men to degrade you or make sexist comments towards you, but you make them towards actors all the time. Hot buff men without their shirts on… watch the comment section. Their actual brains are dismissed, but we drool over their physicality. It doesn’t make sense to me. Forget that he’s a talented actor… you’re busy making some sexist remarks as a woman. But when men make sexist comments about actresses, it becomes a different ballgame. They are often called out for doing the same thing, more so than the women. Hypocrisy much?

And what about transsexuals or gender fluency? The same group that touts gender fluency is having a march for their own gender identity, but not for gender fluency. Huh? That means there are only two sexes in this world; men and women. You’ve left those that don’t identify with either, far behind. There’s your hypocrisy.

No, you’re not less of a woman if you voted for Clinton or Trump. You’re not less of a woman for having different values, religious/lack of religious beliefs, job titles, or being a mother/not a mother. You’re not less of a woman if you’re overweight/underweight. You’re not less of a woman for beauty/lack of beauty. You’re not less of a woman for being intelligent/not intelligent. You’re not less of a woman for being wealthy/poor. You’re not less of a woman for your political beliefs.

There is only one game and it’s called life. Asking for equal pay across the board is one thing. Saying women aren’t women when they refuse to march or support your beliefs is another. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. All this hate-filled agenda could die with you in a blink of an eye. I’d rather spend my days loving the people around me and not bear anger at strangers for my own plight. I’ll continue to work my ass off, and love the people around me. I worked today and received kisses from my kids. I’d rather spend my days improving my mental well-being, and my writing skills.

New Updates

I’m going ahead and re-releasing book 1. Fuck it! I should be proud of my book and nobody is going to tell me any different. Silencing my characters is something I don’t want to do. I have a new book cover for book 1. It’s done by a professional. I won’t have characters on the front covers. Instead, it will be a unique symbol-like that represents my entire series. It’s easy and I love the work my new cover artist has done for my book. Eventually, the entire series will be sold as a unique quality of work for the whole world to see.

I’m in the game. I can dish it out but not take it? Fuck that! I’m putting my gold balls back in their place and putting my books out there. Why? Because, I can. There are no rules with publishing a book. Either it sinks or it floats. Either way, I’m still going to write and distribute my books. I worked my ass off and it needs to show.

I don’t care what veteran authors say. I am a veteran author. Don’t lump me in the newbie category. I have left some serious negative reviews and I expect those authors to come at me. Do I care? Nope! I’m taking the high road and keeping my dignity in check.

  1. No, I won’t swap for reviews.
  2. No, I won’t have my family members give out bloated five-star reviews. Majority of my family members are conservatives. This is a very moderate-leaning series. One book may shift to the conservative side and the other may shift to the liberal side. Smoke on that.
  3. No, I won’t pay for reviews. I’m better than that.
  4. No, I won’t participate in Netgalley reviews.
  5. No… I won’t torture my reviewers like other authors have done in the past.

 

“Frankly, my dear… I don’t give a damn!” I’m going to continue to write whatever the fuck, I want. Either people jump on board or they don’t. I’m still going to bust my ass off with marketing and writing. I’m still going to be me. And I’m lucky enough to have a family, who will back me no matter what. I still have my day job and I will work my ass off everyday at my outside job in manufacturing. I will lead by example. Yes, you can go through major shit, both physically and emotionally, but you can still turn your life around. It’s not the end of the road for me. I will still read and write books. That’s what I’m made of. I’m tougher than that shit, I posted. My head is back on straight and it’s time to play the game. Those reviews are irrelevant to me. My family and my form of God, are the only ones who can judge me.

I don’t expect the world to owe me a damn thing. I’m sassy, smart, and have killer boobs. I’m a tough broad and I can take it. Being scared… I’m giving them the power. No… I’m taking my power back and I’m going to live to the fullest. I’m going to be graceful, kind, generous, and humble. That’s the kind of person, I want to be. Myself and love myself for a change. I have faults and I’m not perfect.

Yes, I’m putting up! Let’s go, Rocky!

The Fear

If you don’t know by now, I’m an author who suffers from mental health disorders. With those mental health disorders, I tend to carry a huge chunk of self-doubt. That is the self-loathing, let’s blow this shit up. I’ve wavered from side to side. I can’t make my fucking mind up. Every time, I go to hit the self-publish button. The magical and mystical button, I throw up.

All because I remember what happened to me, the last time I attempted to self-publish. I don’t believe my anxiety will ever go away. You know that authors are going to come for me. They are salivating at the chance. That’s a “nope” book. I’m not going to get burned again. It doesn’t feel good and quite frankly, it sucks. It sucks for the current readers, who rated my books five stars… and that’s without an editor. Strangers who know nothing about me, gave me those stars. I didn’t beg, steal, or trade for reviews unlike other authors. I played by the rules and remained fair. If they wanted to leave a review, I’ve never pressured them.

Those one-star reviews… it played with my head. It seriously mind-fucked me for a long time. It throws you in a never-ending cycle of depression. Not only do I suffer from anxiety… I also suffer from Borderline and Bipolar I. “Go kill yourself,” is a common phrase. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’m still here. I, apparently, suck at suicide, too. That wasn’t a joke either. That’s the truth of it all. You go from that indescribable high to that damn depression. You sprinkle in Borderline, and boy… we have a nutcase on our hands. How can anyone relate to this? I have scars up and down my body. They aren’t pretty. I’ve battled these mental health issues for a very long time. I also suffer from various autoimmune diseases. I don’t know if those caused them or whatever caused my mental health issues.

I didn’t have a great childhood or teenage life. Every day is a struggle to stay afloat. It really does feel like you’ve got an anchor on your feet, dragging you down in an ocean. Tonight, I slammed against that wall again. I hate it. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and not have these issues. I didn’t want to do anything. I just sat in a bathtub and cried for over an hour. I don’t know why. I just laid there, crying.

I’m worried that I’ll fail everyone. I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle the negative reviews. That part has scared me off from ever wanting to publish any of my novels. That fear is hurting me. It’s like a singer, standing on stage for the first time. Except, we’ve done this rodeo before. I fell. I fell hard. And now I’m finding new reasons, not to publish my novels. I have psyched myself out.

Medications, won’t fix my problems. That only make things for me, much worse. I tried endless medications. They make me more suicidal. It’s an endless and vicious cycle. I just want to wake up and be normal for a day. I want to do normal things. And I know this mood will pass. I’m just at my lowest, rock-bottom moment.

To people who don’t suffer from mental health disorders, count your blessings. This is an endless nightmare. “Get over it.” That doesn’t work well with a brain that refuses to function on all cylinders. I’m a writer, who has joined other authors who had Bipolar and various mental health disorders. Your mind wants to do so much that you can’t keep up with it. It spins out of control with no rhyme or reason. Some days, you want to slam your head into a wall. Why was I made like this? What did I do to deserve this life? It isn’t fun and it’s heart-breaking to deal with people like me.

When I have an outside job, I’m fine. I bust my ass off and do what I’m told. I don’t know how but I can hide it until I get home… well, most of the time. I have cried in a bathroom or two. I do feel jealous over petty shit. “That should be me!” Oh, come on! THINK! I’m trying to rationalize with an irrational brain. I’m making deals with my own brain just to survive the next day.

What’s worse? Borderline Personality Disorder really is a bitch. One thing another author said to me last night, spun me in a tailspin of self-doubt. And he wasn’t mean or anything. It just pissed me royally off. That’s how I know, BPD, isn’t going anywhere. That bitch laughs at me every single day. That is the main, torturous demon, I want to go away. All because of my fucked up childhood. That still haunts me like a ghost with a ball and chain. No matter how hard I wish it to go into “dormant mode”… it never really hides forever.

I pray none of you have to go through a tragedy or lose someone you love. BPD is a fucking hell that turns your mind, inside-out. It’s a personal hell, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And the worst part of it all… my husband has to hide all my manuscripts when I’m in BPD mode. He shouldn’t have to do that. I feel like I stuck myself in an internal hell. I want out of it. I want a cure for it. I want to wake up tomorrow and it will be in remission. No cure for people with BPD. It wasn’t my fault! I was a small child who went through some shit. Some really bad shit. Until I can let it go, I don’t know if I can publish my manuscripts. One little thing, triggered it. I’ve had BPD for over 25 years. I remember the day, something snapped inside my head. I haven’t been right since then. And to crucify all people with BPD, without knowing their circumstances… is cruel and evil. We have serious trust issues. We are suspicious of everyone and their intentions. Even if we know in our heads that this is a good person, we still have that 1% of doubt. We hold onto it and fight with everything we have. “This person will let us down. We just know it!” And BPD rejoices when we’re right.

So… bear with me… I remember a passage from the bible and it keeps me alive. “And this too, shall pass.” It will pass and I’ll be my bubbly self again. And I hope and pray for a cure. I need a fix-it-all cure. Not just a pill to numb or silence the endless and millions of thoughts. Seize the day? Not with a fucked-up brain.

An Editor… What’s That?

We see some wild posts fly by on Twitter. “Hurry now! I’m running a deal on editing!” Yeah… those people. They fly-by-night, sounds-too-good-to-be-true, editor. Those are the ones, you need to watch out for. Everything sounds promising but it isn’t. We’re in the day and age, anyone can post anything. Anyone can set up a bogus website, claiming they are an editor. You can’t see them, face-to-face. You take them at their word. Not so fast, self-published author.

Why don’t I include traditionally published authors? Well, they normally have a team of editors. Not one, not two, but a whole team. They also normally have a team of beta readers. Self-published authors have to pay for editing from their own pockets. Not many can afford one, let alone three or more. Only a very small batch of self-published authors, can afford three or more. That’s a few, far and between.

I don’t believe you need to cheat, when you submit your manuscript. It makes no sense to me. I should hire an independent, free-lance editor before I submit my manuscript? Nope! You want to see if I know how to write, but you want me to hire someone to edit my work?You can’t have it both ways. You want the original work but you don’t want to look at the errors? Not one single writer is perfect. You ARE the publishing world who are supposed to hire these smart and intelligent editors, and yet, you released a ton of crap. Which ones? “Fifty Shades,” for one, “Twilight,” for another. Even “Sookie Stackhouse” is a complete mess. You hope people; who don’t understand writing, reads these books. I see the glaring errors from chapter one and beyond. Even “Interview With a Vampire” is a hawt mess. Do you know why they are popular? Simple. They all have intriguing and formidable characters. The story itself, sold to unsuspecting readers. And not a book that was edited cleanly. Even Stephen King’s works are muddled and riddled with errors. So much for “great” writing! You’ve already let those poor works of fiction and nonfiction on the shelf. People fell in love with their characters and bought those pieces of work.

Honey, traditionally published companies have already fucked up. Milo, anyone? They’ve already released trash that we frequently see on the shelf. To tout that we need one is a big walking pile of horse shit. But I do agree that one needs an editor, if they repeat conversations or words. They have no clue on dialogue, point of views, plots, and tenses. We can go all thirteen rounds.

I will admit that there are some really bad self-published authors. The first chapter is always a complete mess. Should we wrestle them to hire an editor? We can argue that those self-published authors makes the rest us look bad. But in truth, ALL authors make us look bad, when they publish the crap that’s been on the shelf for many years. One of those books, surprisingly is listed as a classic novel. Whoa… there! Her book should have never been touted as a classic. It was lazily written. I’m amazed how many authors are arrogant enough to think and believe, their shit doesn’t stink. Some of these authors are editors!

Your creative writing degree doesn’t give you an imagination. Whatever degree you hold; it doesn’t give you an imagination. The system is already broken and has been broken for many years. And sometimes those “editors” ramble on more than a self-published author does. They have nasty habit of including characters that shouldn’t have a chapter set for those characters. Their chapters are normally five or less sentences or one messy paragraph. Or… they have a tendency to info-dump or overwrite their books. I’ve just read three books that have overwritten their novels from *gasps* traditionally published authors.

I don’t give a shit about the flowers. An entire chapter dedicated to flowers. How they smell, how they bloom, and how they seem perky in the sun. Fuck your flowers. Fuck your paint, chipping off the walls. I want to read how your character moves from point A to point B. Do you honestly look at a flower when you go outside? Do you gaze upon those flowers for longer than ten minutes? I don’t know about you, but I’m a busy person. Yeah, we should all stop to smell the roses. But at the same time, the only scents I smell are gas, rubber, and fresh-cut grass. And this comes from a writer, who owns a dozen or more rose bushes.

No, I don’t believe all writers NEED an editor. Sometimes hiring an editor, will make your manuscripts even worse. BUT! There are those authors who are absolutely clueless. Both in the traditional and self-published world. We should lobby for better writers from both sides. Traditionally published companies should lobby more from their writers, they chose to give a contract to. It isn’t that hard to purchase a grammar book and learn how to improve those writing skills. Lazy writing is on both sides of the coin. We ALL should aspire to become better writers and editors. We should ALL sharpen our skills and produce quality works of fiction & nonfiction. I don’t want to depend on an editor for work, I should have done myself. Editors are NOT and shouldn’t be our safety nets. It is time to hold those writers accountable. Step up your game or pick a different job.

Do Self-Publish Authors Need An Editor?

I will make this post short and sweet. I’ll list my pros and my cons for hiring an editor and not hiring an editor. An editor is just another expensive writer with literary degrees or in the process of obtaining a literary degree.

Why should you hire an editor?

  1. You have absolutely no idea what past, present, and future tenses are. You don’t know what a gerund is.
  2. You tell more than you show.
  3. You have no idea what point of view is.
  4. You have no idea what a plot is.
  5. You don’t understand the differences between major plots and minor plots.
  6. You don’t understand what a run-on sentence is.
  7. You have the habitual use of killing us with accidental point of view slip-ups. Meaning you write your story in first or third person and you slip into second person.
  8. You never heard of verbs, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, or nouns.
  9. You beat us with em dashes, commas, and various other syntax problems.
  10. You don’t understand what you’re writing. What genre does your book fall into?
  11. You can’t give people a synopsis of your book.
  12. You become the author who HATES critical feedback on your “precious” book.
  13. You picked up a thesaurus but you neglected to pick up grammar books.
  14. You don’t understand what a character archetype is.
  15. You overuse and abuse dialogue tags when two characters are talking.
  16. Your can’t remember your plots.
  17. You keep repeating the same damn words on every page.
  18. You don’t understand your chosen genre very well. Just the other day, I noticed a self-published author place her erotica book in children’s books. No… just NO!

 

If you don’t understand those things, go hire an editor. Nobody forced you to hire one but it will save you from critics like me. I have an eye for catching errors. BUT! Here’s a huge but… even the best books have grammatical errors in them. J.K. Rowling admitted that she hated books 1-3 of her Harry Potter series because she had errors. Let’s tell the truth… publishing companies are publishing tripe. Tripe that is way worse than self-published books. It makes self-published authors ticked off to see grammar errors from traditionally published companies. I thought they had a team of editors? Truth be told, no editor can find all the errors. I’ve hired two editors in the past. Both failed to understand present tense and didn’t notice the point of views. I paid for commas and the removal of commas.

Why shouldn’t you hire an editor?

  1. You lose the flaws and essence to your novels/books.
  2. Let’s be honest here… editors are expensive. They can cost anywhere from free (if you obtain a student in college) to $10,000. That’s in dollars, not CENTS as one editor listed on his website. Instead of working with payment plans for whatever a self-published author can afford, they expect that money upfront.
  3. It’s called Indie publishing for a reason. The less hands touching your novel, the better.
  4. Editors fail to catch your errors. And these are easy errors. Sometimes they mess it up even worse than when you started.
  5. Editors don’t understand tenses or point of views.
  6. They’ve already let books like Fifty Shades on the loose. Talk about a book that needed extensive editing. We can argue that she started off as a self-published author. But the moment a traditional publishing company took her book, they should have extensively edited her series. How many “oh my’s” can you handle. Sorry, guys… you want to blast me for mine but give her book five-stars?
  7. You understand verbs, tenses, and point of views.
  8. You’re able to understand plots.
  9. You understand everything in the English grammar books.
  10. You understand character archetypes.
  11. You understand that dialogue is just a normal conversation. Conversations are normally short and to the point. Believe me, I’ve read traditionally published novels that had their characters ramble on for an entire chapter! And you guys are publishing this tripe? A conversation should be like talking to your friends, lovers, parents, and phone conversations. Don’t make dialogue more complicated than it is. That’s where you get stiff dialogue. People don’t say the correct tenses when they speak. Anything that goes in dialogue, cannot be held against you. Except when it’s stiff or rambles on forever.
  12. You have a team of beta readers. Those guys are better than editors at times. Join a writer’s group. Don’t have your family members or your lovers become beta readers. For $4,000 you can have your book read on Netgalley. They say it’s free.
  13. You have an excellent marketing strategy. Fifty Shades is proof that you don’t need a great editor. All you need is an excellent marketing strategy.
  14.  You know where your story is going.
  15. They didn’t always have editors around.
  16. Nobody can agree on proper grammar usage. We have the American-English and the UK-English. Neither can agree with spelling or syntax.
  17. Words are meant to be interchanged. The word may be currently used as this but the other definition tells you that you can use it differently.
  18. You know the difference between UK-English and American-English. In USA, we use the word “gray.” In the UK, they spell it “grey.” Both words mean the same thing. It depends on the region, you’re from. Instead of z’s in their words, they spell it with s’s. Recognize/recognise… favorite/favourite… organize/organise. Realize/realise. Trashcan/dustbin. Elevator/lift. You see the problem here? We can’t even agree to have one English language. No wonder, English is a hard language to learn. We’ve confused people. Speak English! Which one? In the USA, we use -ed as our endings. In the UK, they use -t as their ending for past tense. Dreamed/dreamt.

 

You can take this anyway you want. If you want to hire an editor, hire one. If you believe you have a great grasp of the English language and you’re stubborn, don’t hire one. Let’s not make it more complicated than it needs to be. All these people with masters and infinite degrees, need to decide on one English language. That way, all of us won’t be pinged with a one-star review. If someone from the UK reads a book that comes from the USA, we’re going to be slammed. If you remain consistent, you don’t need an editor. If you have no fucking clue what you’re doing, hire an editor. They are your allies. But make sure that editor checks out. There are writers who are posing as editors. If they self-publish, check their ratings. Ask the other authors, they’ve worked with in the past. Would you hand your money and your baby to a complete stranger? “Here… take my kid. I haven’t checked you out but I’m sure you can babysit my child.” Only idiots give out free money. “But, but, but… I don’t have money for an editor!”That’s why we have kick-starter campaigns. Look for them. Or here’s an even better concept… SAVE! Put away $10.00 a week or $20.00 a week. We’re all on tight budgets. Get a job. Get two extra jobs. If you don’t know those things listed above, you better start saving. If you don’t want to hire an editor, good luck with your book. I’m not telling you to hire one or not hire one.

Do I have an editor? NOPE. I’m a control freak. I need complete control over my books. I bought grammar books and studied like a mofo (motherfucker). If I made up a new word in my books, I italicize it. That’s a dead giveaway, I know this word isn’t real. As much as I loathe the word “gray,” I use it because I’m from the good ole’ USA.

The choice is ultimately yours to make. I can’t force you to hire one or not hire one. They are crazy expensive. If you don’t hire one, make sure you put your manuscript away for a month. That way you can have a fresh mind. Study like a mofo.

 

 

My Ultimate Writer’s Conference

You know what those writer’s conferences are all about! They stick a stupid name tag on you and then you schmooze with a bunch of other writers. If you pay money, you might get a ten second interview with a literary agent. So, you get to listen to them for hours and hopefully, you’re the lucky one they pick out of sea of other hopeless writers.

They always have people on that stage, you’ve never heard about. “This author sold xxx amount of books and is a best seller!” Funny… I don’t know who the fuck they are! I may have a vague clue, but honestly, I have never heard some of these authors before. And they always charge at least $150.00 per conference. That doesn’t include the extra charges. For an additional $275.00, you can spend ten minutes with a literary agent. That’s it? What the fuck? I don’t know about you, but I’m a tightwad. I don’t want to spend $35.00. I’m that tight with my money. I don’t want to make these bastards more money! You already made your money! Screwing me over for money, doesn’t benefit me in any way. I want to make money! How is this helping me?

And they always stick the most boring person they can find on a stage. Dude, I have a very short attention span. If you don’t grab my attention within the first five minutes, I’m gone. I’ve checked out. I’ll tweet out some funny things, while I’m sitting there. I’ll take a picture and put a dick by the picture. “That’s so immature of you!” For $500.00, I’m putting a dick by your head and adding a jar of Vaseline. Go on! I’ll put anything I want for that amount of cash that will end up in flames. And if they have punch, I’ll be the person spiking the fucker. Yeah, maybe it’s a good idea, I don’t attend conferences. I swore I would attend one but I know how it will end.

  1. I can’t wear heels or makeup. That’s due to autoimmune diseases. So, I’ll go in my comfortable apparel. That usually consists of a t-shirt, dark cargo pants, and tennis shoes. I may have time to style my hair or not. Don’t expect me to “dress to impress” you. That won’t happen for as long as my heart beats. I’ll wear the same attire to formal dinners. Maybe it’s best you give my invite to someone else. My skin says no itchy shit. I have to go with cotton and baggy shit. That’s who I am. Makeup isn’t me either. I’m allergic to a ton of makeup, even the organic cruelty-free makeup. What will happen is my face will break out in these super cool red splotches. I’m better off being me. I like my face the way it is. Plain Jane. That’s how I roll. I may wear a hat with my current logo on it. It depends on how my scalp feels. I have to be careful with that, too. My scalp will break out. You don’t have to live with my scalp.
  2. I don’t torture my hair. I like what hair, I haven’t pulled out yet. I don’t blow dry it, use hairspray, straightner, or curling iron. I have an ultra-sensitive scalp. Not to mention, my hair is brittle due to my autoimmune diseases. Wear a wig? Nah… I have a sensitive scalp. If it itches, it will leave huge welts on my scalp. No, thank you!
  3. I don’t like stuffy people. The ones, who can’t take a joke. They ramble on intelligently for hours. I have a short attention span. If that person hasn’t entertained me in some way, I’m out cold. I barely paid attention in school. I had that boring Biology teacher. The one who spoke in a monotone voice. I tried to pay attention to my Chemistry teacher, but I fell asleep. It didn’t help that I was working almost full-time hours at my part-time job at the time. I couldn’t stay awake. I would work until 11 pm and get up for school at 5 am. I had to do my homework when I got off work. They loaded my happy ass down with several hours of homework. I can’t handle that shit as an adult.

 

What would be my ultimate writer’s conference?

This one is super easy. My dream conference would have Stephen King, Kurt Sutter, Eli Roth, and Robert Kirkman. That would be a pretty cool panel. I can see paying a lot of money for them.

7:00-9:00 am: Who the fuck gets up that early? Go back to bed!

10:00-11:00 am: Who the fuck are you? Kurt Sutter

11:00-12:00 pm: Zombie history and writing zombies: Robert Kirkman

12:00-3:00 pm: Brutal ways to kill your protagonists/ “darlings”:  Eli Roth, Stephen King, Kurt Sutter, & Robert Kirkman.

3:00-4:00 pm: Take an hour lunch.

4:00-5:00 pm: Things to do with your character’s rectum: Kurt Sutter

5:00-6:00 pm: How to skin your character (while alive) with a lot of painful stuff, you couldn’t imagine using. Eli Roth.

6:00-7:00 pm: Household appliances, tools, or other shit to kill a character off: Stephen King.

7:00-8:00 pm: Hour dinner. But at this point, nobody would be hungry.

8:00-10:00 pm: We listen to your shitty query letters, which will suck.

10:00 pm: Go the fuck home. You’ll be a serial killer by the time you’re done. You’ll know how to dispose of a body properly and ways to torture your characters.

That would be my ultimate writer’s conference. There would be unlimited booze and music. Non-alcoholic beverages for people who don’t drink would be unlimited. Now that’s a writer’s conference. It would be fun, funny, and you know you’ll receive some smartass replies. I could live with that. That would make me fucking happy. You know they will be saying fuck a lot. That’s cool with me! Sign me up!

 

 

Believe In Yourself

The hardest lesson for all new authors is believing in themselves. I listened to all the literary snobs and you know what? Fuck them. There are no rules to writing, just write. I’ve read a total of 21 books from both self-published and traditionally published authors. And you know what? Not one of them were error-free. Why? Because those books are magical and don’t exist. I have raked authors over the coals. A ton of them don’t realize they’ve dropped into second point of view by accident. I’ve caught it with both traditionally published authors and with self-published authors. Hell, I did it myself. I know I’m far from perfect.

Considering all the shit that’s already on the bookshelves, mine won’t do any worse or better. Yeah, I’ve changed the story a few dozen times to find that right flow. That’s what writers do. We try to find that right niche to please everyone. But you can’t please everyone. There will always be that one person who hates your books with a passion. But ask yourselves this… why aren’t they writers? I’ve heard a ton of editors brag about how easy it is for them to write a book. Well, I hate to pop their collective bubbles, but those books are usually the worst ones. They’re so worried about being technically right that they lack in the number one thing that you need to write a book… imagination. You can have all those fancy literary degrees but if you don’t have an imagination, you’re fucked. The books come out like a distorted piece of literary garbage. Written well, yes. Character development and flowing like water usually ends at their last sentence.

Don’t say this… “Oh, you’re just pro-self-published authors!” Um… they’ve written some incredibly shitty books too. I want emotion and action. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies with action. Blame Sly Stallone, or numerous other actors. “Yo, Adrian!” Look, Sly is a great writer but nobody remembers how great of a story Rocky is. It’s lasted for so many years. I used to shone and flipped my nose up at Rocky until my husband made me watch the story unfold. Why didn’t I watch this series sooner? I cried during Balboa. Yes, I for real cried like a baby. All the hard work he put in it, blew my fucking mind. We can bitch about steroid use but I don’t lecture what other people do with their bodies. It isn’t my job to stand over people, dictating what their lives should be. “Don’t eat this. Don’t smoke this. Don’t drink that.” I’m the last person who would ever lecture another human being. I still smoke menthol. Yeah, I know it’s a nasty habit but it’s better than all the mind-altering medications I used to take. I love my smokes and my coffee.

Anyway, what’s the point of this fucking post? Don’t be scared to write a book and publish it. It takes big gold balls to publish anything. Even though I’ve said a book has issues, it doesn’t mean I don’t still buy their books. Even the one-star books, I’ve rated. I always support an author. Maybe their next book will be better. The same applies to new writers. Do what’s best for you. If you want to go the traditional route, do it. If you want to self-publish your book, do it. Do what makes you happy. Write what makes you happy. There are over millions and millions of books out on the market. Maybe you’ll get lucky and strike it big. You never know unless you try. I would say not to read your reviews, but even traditionally published authors read their reviews. I know that one for a fact. It’s hard not to read your reviews. It’s always there. Just when you do, be prepared for a jar of anal cream nearby. You’re going to get rammed. It doesn’t matter who the fuck you are. If they hate your book, they’ll let you know it. But I applaud anyone who is willing to stand up there with their asses hanging out. Even the greatest writers of all time, have shit thrown at them.

I remember this one author telling me not to read my reviews. She didn’t read her reviews. She had better things to do. Well, I happened to see her books and became curious. So, I checked out her reviews. I’m evil like that. And guess what? She responded to her negative reviews like the twat she was. Do as I say and not as I do. Fuck that hypocrite! I laughed my ass off for a few good hours. Here she was, stating that her books were doing so good. And she writes best-selling books! HA! She only had ten reviews. Her stars were much lower than mine. I giggled like a mad woman. If she was such a great writer, where were her one thousand book reviews? I didn’t know her name until I joined their shitfest of a group! Hey, don’t feel sorry for her. She came at new writers. She made sure to nail all the new writers and give them confidence issues. Why are you writing like that? How dare you have adverbs! Well, when I peeked into her book, the first few pages were littered with adverbs. If you’re in one of those groups, get out. They claim they are best sellers but they are indeed frauds and liars. Unless it’s Anne Rice, Stephen King, or Martin themselves, don’t take advice from authors you’ve never heard of. Not even me. Do you and don’t worry about being perfect. Books were made to have errors. As long as we can read it, don’t worry about your commas. Try to limit your run-on sentences. Those do become a pain to read. And make sure you have the right words put in. Like today, I have to change MC to emcee. Whoops! I fucked that one up! But laugh when you make a mistake. I’ve made plenty of them and all I can do is improve. I’m not the best writer but I’m not the worst either. I can live with that. I can sleep at night, knowing that I tried my best.

As for my current readers, they want to see my books back on the shelf. I honor them and will do as they request. I’m sure as fuck, not giving up. If nobody else reads it, I’m happy as well. As long as they are happy, I’m happy. Go into this fearless. And if you do receive a negative review, go check out mine or anyone else’s books. Those will make you laugh and cheer you up. If E.L. James can dust it off, you can too. That woman has gold balls and I love her dearly. Her book wasn’t that great but you can’t argue with a marketing genius. Even after she’s issued negative reviews, she’s still basking in the money, people spent on her books. With every negative review, there are normally five positive reviews. Honor those readers. Come up with witty things to say in retaliation, when they come for you. Be like Rowling. That woman has made me laugh when she comes up with something witty to say to her negative reviewers or tweeters. “You still bought my books.” I agree with her. Take it in stride and make sure you have a bottle of alcohol nearby, if you decide to read those reviews.